First of all, I admire any mumma that has breastfed for years, months, weeks, attempted to and even just thought about it. Breastfeeding is a bloody tough gig! And to the mums that can’t, I also admire you!
So here I was a new Mum excited, scared and nervous. I hadn’t even thought twice about breastfeeding, I mean how hard could it be? Your body produces milk baby feeds! Simple right!? Boy was I wrong. I struggled! I simply felt like I had run face first into a brick wall! Why didn’t anyone prepare me for this? What is cluster feeding? You mean to say babies can feed for 2hrs straight? Why do I have no desire to feed my baby? Was I the only mother that felt like this? Does this make me a bad mum?
All this was running through my head, but I quietly soldiered on hoping tomorrow would be better when my milk comes in. Boy was I bloody wrong again! Why didn’t anyone prepare me for what felt like giant concrete bricks stuck to my chest! Why won’t my baby latch? Why are my boobs lumpy? Why does this feel like the worst experience ever? Maybe tomorrow will be better?
Fast forward 8 weeks down the track. I had nailed the whole breastfeeding gig but why did I still feel like it was a chore? Why do I still feel no bond? I mean I love and adore my baby but I felt this huge wall between us. I often read about these beautiful breastfeeding moments and this unbreakable bond, but this did not feel beautiful and I didn’t feel a connection. I was mentally unhappy.
It wasn’t until the day I decided to stop that our bond started to grow. I felt like a new and improved better mum. I was now happy to soak up all the endless cuddles and clingy stages.
While I was breastfeeding I never told anyone how I felt because I felt that’s what society expects of us mothers. The term “breast is best” is always thrown around and it really stuck with me. It’s not until I grew as a mother and learned that “fed is best”.
It doesn’t matter if you choose breast or bottle as long as baby is fed and loved, and mum is happy!